I'm jealous of your bromance
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
you had me at cake vodka
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
