i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
