I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
