i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
