I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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