i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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