Old men and throwing up are my life now.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
