Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
