She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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