I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
