WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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