Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
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He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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