Whod you bang
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
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