How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Found the puke drawer
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
