your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
