hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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