so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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