I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
