i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I can't put those talents on a resume
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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