im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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