I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
