I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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