he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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