someone get that fucking seahorse.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My liver just had a heart attack.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
