And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
im having a threesome with these popsicles
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
