i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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