I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
