Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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