imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You're like the curious george of whores
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
