I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Bring me that man meat
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
