No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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