i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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