Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
