Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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