normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
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