i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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