Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize