My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
