Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
