he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
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slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
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It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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