I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
