I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
