is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
