Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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