he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
