fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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