why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
