I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Randomize
