remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
