If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
