The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
