To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
