not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
