I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
