how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
