Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
