yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
