I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
