Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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