What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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