Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.

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(214): View more from Texas

they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.

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(907): View more from Alaska

i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....

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(870): View more from Arkansas

You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform

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(630): View more from Illinois

The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.

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(907): View more from Alaska

The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"

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(773): View more from Illinois

He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work

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(708): View more from Illinois

YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!

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