I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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