Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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