you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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