I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
