Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
