I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize