i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
