If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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