Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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