my text book just quoted the cookie monster
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
