You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
