Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
