Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
