Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
