shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
