who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Randomize
