Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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