Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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